Understanding Low Self-Esteem: How to Recognise It and Build Self-Worth

As a therapist, I’ve worked with many people who’ve struggled with low self-esteem, and I’ve seen firsthand just how much it can affect our mental, emotional, and even physical well-being. Low self-esteem often shows up as feelings of not being good enough, constant self-doubt, and the belief that we’re somehow inadequate. The good news? Self-esteem isn’t  in stone it can change and grow with the right support and tools.

In this post, I’ll walk you through what low self-esteem looks like, what causes it, and how to start building a healthier self-image.

What Is Low Self-Esteem?

Self-esteem is basically how we feel about ourselves and how we value our worth. It’s shaped by our experiences, our thoughts, and our feelings, and it plays a huge role in how we see ourselves in the world. When self-esteem is low, we tend to be super hard on ourselves, always questioning if we’re good enough.

Here are some common signs of low self-esteem:

Self-critical thoughts: Always thinking you’re a failure or not good enough, even when that’s not true.

 Difficulty accepting compliments: Feeling awkward or brushing off praise because you don’t feel like you deserve it.

Perfectionism: Setting crazy-high standards for yourself and then feeling let down when they’re not met.

 Fear of rejection: Avoiding social situations because you’re worried people will judge you.

 People-pleasing: Constantly trying to get validation from others, even if it means ignoring your own needs.

What Causes Low Self-Esteem?

Low self-esteem often has deep roots. Some of the common causes include:

1. Childhood experiences: How we were treated growing up by family, teachers, or peers can leave a big mark. Criticism, neglect, or bullying can make us feel like we’re not good enough.

2. Negative self-talk: Constantly beating ourselves up with negative thoughts over time can become a habit, making us feel stuck in a cycle of self-criticism.

3. Social comparison: In a world where we’re always online and looking at other’s lives, it’s easy to feel like we’re falling short. Social media can trick us into thinking everyone else has it all together.

4. Unrealistic expectations: Trying to be perfect or setting impossible standards for yourself can set you up to feel like you’re always failing.

5. Tough life events: Big challenges like a breakup, losing a job, or the death of someone close can shake our sense of self and make us feel insecure.

How to Start Healing from Low Self-Esteem

The good news is that low self-esteem doesn’t have to last forever. With awareness and effort, you can  start building a more positive self-image.

Here are some tips to help you get started:

1. Challenge negative thoughts: Pay attention to your inner critic, and question those negative thoughts. Are they based on facts or just assumptions? Try replacing them with kinder, more realistic thoughts.

2. Practice self-compassion: Be as kind to yourself as you would be to a friend who's struggling. When you mess up, don’t beat yourself up remember, no one’s perfect.

3. Set achievable goals: Focus on progress, not perfection. Break things down into smaller, manageable steps, and celebrate the little wins along the way.

4. Surround yourself with positivity: Hang out with people who lift you up. Find relationships that make you feel good about yourself and avoid ones that reinforce negative self-beliefs.

5. Make self-care a priority: Take time to take care of your body and mind. Whether it’s through exercise, hobbies, or just chilling out, do things that make you feel good inside and out.

6. Consider therapy: A therapist can help you dig into the roots of your low self-esteem and teach you tools to improve your self-image. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is especially helpful for tackling negative thought patterns.

Final Thoughts

Low self-esteem can hold us back from living the full, authentic life we deserve. By understanding where it comes from and taking steps to nurture our self-worth, we can break free from the cycle of self-doubt and start embracing who we truly are.

Remember, building self-esteem is a journey, and its okay to take it one step at a time. If you’re struggling, just know you’re not alone, and it’s never too late to start healing. If you feel stuck, consider reaching out to a therapist who can help guide you toward a more positive relationship with yourself.